Lilys Downfall
by Kevin3
Summary: The only thing worse than this Marauder's parody is..... well, I don't think 6 billion years of history have anything on the mind-numbing stupidity of this fic. (Come on, you know you want to read it now!)


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I do, however, own his unlicensed stunt photographer.

Ok, it's been requested by several people. I've managed to avoid it until now…_sigh_. Anyway, I present the Marauders. With a twist.

"Ok, Peter, give 'em a spin."

"Really! You mean it?"

James laughed. "It's about time you had a turn."

Pettigrew smiled and walked over to the first of three giant spinners lining the Gryffindor commons. He quickly spun the large hand with all his might and the four Gryffindor boys watched as it whirled around the circle.

"C'mon pink…" Sirius said encouragingly.

"No chance," Lupin said. "We had pink last week."

"I'm rooting for yellow," James said.

"YES!" shouted Sirius. "Pink it is!"

Pettigrew quickly walked from the first spinner, which was pointing at a giant "PINK" engraved to the bottom left, and walked over to the second. Another spin, and the Marauders started up.

"Hair!" yelled Sirius.

"Skin," Remus argued.

"How about Skin and Hair?" Pettigrew asked.

"No way," James said. "There's no way it could… I don't believe it!"

All four stared at the wheel in awe. It was a rare event, worthy of celebration.

"Skin, Hair, _and_ Robes?!" Lupin said in amazement.

"Oh yeah…" Sirius and James said, grinning like maniacs.

"Final spin," Peter said as he gave the third wheel a twirl. Lupin, James, and Sirius tried not to snigger. They lost their battle when the pointed ended up resting on 'SNAPE'.

"This will be great!" Peter said, grinning. The other grinned as well, but for a different reason. Peter was the only marauder that hadn't figured out that James charmed the final wheel to always end up pointing at 'SNAPE'.

"So," Sirius said mischievously. "We're turning Snape's skin, hair, _and_ robes pink this time… hooboy, this will be great!"

"Why don't you do something original?"

All four boys turned around to see Lily staring at them in disgust.

"Original?" Sirius asked. "We haven't done this prank once! We've never turned Snape's skin, hair, _and_ robes pink before!"

"No," Lily sighed. "But yesterday you turned his robes yellow. The day before it you turned his hair purple. The day before that you turned his hair and skin green. And the day before that you turned his skin and robes neon orange. And the day before _that_ you…"

"What's your point?" James asked, interrupting.

"My point is to do something original for a change! You _ALWAYS_ change the color of his skin, hair, or robes. It was funny the first two or three times. Now it's just sick!"

"But… but…" Sirius stammered, "It's Snape! In pink robes!"

Lily sighed and Remus said, "Oh yeah? What would you do, then?"

"I don't know," Lily said. "How about give him fangs and charm him so he can't pronounce W's. Like a vampire – I vahnt to suck your blood. Or you could enchant his hands so they perform locking charms whenever he gets near doors. What about emblazoning 'I love badly written Mary-Sues' on the back of his robes? Heck, even 'Kick Me' is an improvement over the spinning wheels."

Remus, Sirius, and Pettigrew gave this some serious thought. Right up until James whispered, "Snape in pink hair, skin, _and_ robes…"

Lily sighed again as the four Gryffindors giggled like crazy and bolted from the room.

Lily had to admit there was one good thing about the quartet's antics. It got them out of the commons for hours at a time, which certainly made it easier to study. However, she groaned again as the four sauntered into the commons two hours later.

"Oh, shoot, Lily's here," Sirius said.

"What's our excuse this time?" Peter asked softly. Lily rolled her eyes – the four were absolutely horrible at hiding things.

"Sshh!" hissed James.

Remus quickly said, "Well, Lily, we're just up to our rooms. Then we'll be going out to… to look at the giant squid.

"Good one," Siruis said quietly, patting Lupin on the back.

"You guys are morons," Lily said.

"What!" Sirius demanded.

"Come on! Of course I didn't notice the large lunar calendar on the east end of the commons which is marked 'Werewolf Time' every 28 days. Or how Remus is looking at it every two hours. Or the three books titled 'Animagus Transfiguration for Dummies' with Sirius, James, and Peter's names on them."

"I… I don't know what you're talking about!" James said, before the four ran up to their rooms in a panic. Lily sighed again.

"Can't we just kill them?" Lily asked in annoyance.

"Miss Evans!" Dumbledore said in amusement. "We can't kill people because they annoy us." The headmaster quietly sat down at his desk.

"How about putting them in a persistent vegetative state? Or even just erasing all their memories?"

Dumbledore chuckled. "I'm sorry. I can give you something that will explain everything, though."

Lily's eyes crinkled in confusion and Dumbledore handed her an old parchment that was folded over once.

"No," Dumbledore said as she started to open it. "Not here. You can open it in the commons."

"Ok. Thanks, sir."

Lily made her way back to the commons, the note clenched in her hand. She finally made her way to her usual chair by the fire and gently unfolded the note.

__

The boy of destiny shall defeat the one whose name cannot be said. By the tail of the…

Lily sighed and skipped to the bottom. She hated prophesies.

__

…and the child of James and Lily Potter shall triumph.

Verified prophesy, given by Sibyll Trelawney to Albus Dumbledore.

"No…" she whispered. "This… this can't be…"

At this, the four marauders entered the commons. "No," she said softly, staring at James. "Not only do I have to… have to go out with this idiot, but I have to…"

She felt her stomach churn, and she quickly ran to the girl's bathroom.

"Hhuuuueeegggghhh"

"Lily, are you ok?"

Lily ignored Sal's voice from the stall over and hunched over the toilet for another "Hhhhuuueeegggghhhh."

When she finally managed to empty her stomach and enter a state of blissful disbelief, she quietly exited the bathroom.

"Say, Lily," James said smugly. "What are you doing Friday night?"

Lily closed her eyes and said, "Nothing."

"Well," he tried to say suavely, "would you like to go out? Maybe… to the astronomy tower?"

Lily trembled from another stomach churn and said, "Yes, but only for the fate of the world."

James thought a minute. "Good enough for me!"

Sirius sniggered, then said, "Your turn on the spinners, Remus."

Lily silently thought, _I'm going to kill you, Sibyll._

---

Ever notice how every prank the marauders pull in fanfiction involves turning various portions of Snape into wildly different colors, usually accompanied by women's clothing?

Anyway, feel free to review.


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